The Missing Piece

By Michael Kirsch | July 21, 2026

When I was in my 30s, I moved to NYC alone. I'd always been outgoing, with a lot of friends back home, so I assumed making new ones would be easy.  It was so much harder than I expected. 

A few years later, I moved to Milwaukee. Just like in New York, I went to farmers markets, street festivals, city parks, museums, coffee shops. Places where talking to strangers should be easy. But so often, I’d leave without meeting new people because I didn’t see a natural way to introduce myself. 

Then three years ago, I was at an outdoor music event in the park and ran into the same wall I had many times before—people there with the groups they came with and no obvious way to meet them. But as I prepared to leave, suddenly it hit me: What if there were areas at events like this where people were invited to say hi? A space that signals, I’m open to conversation, where everyone is welcome to talk to strangers? 

Once I saw what was missing, I couldn’t unsee it. It was like I had put on a special pair of glasses. Everywhere I went I’d look around and think, what if there were a sign that said "meet new people here"? How many people would wander over? If it were common knowledge what it meant, how many would stop by that table to talk? How many would start seeking out these spots? 

There was a missing piece of social infrastructure, and I decided I was going to help build it. 

The Challenge

How many people have wanted to talk to a stranger in a public place but thought it would be weird? How many have felt awkward walking up and starting a conversation with someone you haven’t met, thinking maybe you’d be rejected? Well, the research shows people like talking to strangers, and have a good time when they do, but so many of us have mistaken beliefs and fears that get in the way. 

A University of Chicago behavioral scientist found that commuters who started a conversation with a stranger had a more enjoyable commute than those who didn’t, even though people expected the opposite. And almost no one who said hi was turned away, even though most people assumed others would be unwilling to talk. Other research has shown that the fears people have about talking to strangers are vastly overblown. Conversations almost always go better than expected. 

And there’s a finding that’s even more telling: when people have a clear signal that a stranger is open to talk—something as simple as a wristband in a dining hall — they’re much less hesitant to introduce themselves. Their fear subsides.

So the barrier isn't people's willingness to talk, it’s the uncertainty. And the solution isn't asking people to be more outgoing. It shouldn’t take an act of bravery to meet new people in public places. What we need is a new social norm that makes talking to strangers welcome. 

Designing for Connection

But who creates it? Should we get an army of volunteers to set up special connection tables at all the places we go, wearing pins that say open to talk? That's not social infrastructure. But that’s how our society currently deals with connection. 

Even though scientists have found that social connection is as essential to our mental and physical health as food and water, we ask each individual to go out and hunt for what they need. Join a club. Attend more events and put yourself out there. Volunteer somewhere. Be socially brave.

What we don't do is build social connection into the places where we already gather. How many missed connections have there been, how many ideas and friendships never happened because people sat one table over from each other at a coffee shop, both wanting to connect, but with no way to signal it? 

What we are missing is that signal — a designated spot at the places we go where people have permission to introduce themselves. Not another event. No RSVP. No host. No staff. Just a space where it's expected, encouraged, and normal to start a conversation with someone you haven't met yet. 

Our everyday places are in the best position to create it: parks, museums, festivals, airports, restaurants. If they simply designate a space for spontaneous connection, people will do the rest. 

This isn't a proposal to make every public place a networking event, or to eliminate the right to sit quietly. But for those who want it, let's create at least one space where connection is part of the design. 

Trying it Out

This is what I developed over two years: a standard setup for a connection spot any place could adopt with minimal effort. I called them MingleSpaces: spontaneous connection built into everyday places. A venue picked from a set of table signs and posters with welcoming language. "Say hi to someone you haven't met yet." "Permission to say hi." "Stop and chat." "Meet new people here."

We ran 15 pilots in Wisconsin: a city park, an orchestra during intermission, a beer garden, breweries, and cafes. I also built a structure for the conversations since starting from scratch can feel awkward and small talk doesn't go far. Each sign linked to an organized library of prompts: What's a project or event you've always wanted to see happen in your city? Have you ever had an idea for an invention? If time and money were no object, what would you want to do? 

Imagine finishing your lunch or coffee at your favorite local cafe or restaurant and stopping at the connection spot to say hi before you leave. Chatting with people near your gate during your layover. Talking with strangers at the art gallery about what you just saw. Spontaneous connection could feel as natural as finding a water fountain — the same wherever you are, part of the environment, and there when you want it. Because we made it easy. 

And over time, the sign wouldn't even need words. Like a stop sign, it could become a universal symbol everyone recognizes instantly — so familiar that when you book a table, or reserve a seat, choosing the connection spot is just one of the options. As ordinary as picking an aisle or a window. 

A Design Standard

And this is where you come in. When I described the idea to people, the reaction was almost always the same — we need this. And many places were glad to put out a sign to bring more of their visitors together. But people generally walked right past the sign — not because they're closed off, but because they didn't know what it meant. 

For this to work, it needs to become part of the design expectation for our everyday places, the way we now just expect a water fountain or accessibility ramp. A design standard, a cultural decision, that if you're a place where people gather, you also create a spot to connect strangers. Making this a new design standard will require a broad coalition of organizations, businesses, communities, and individuals.

So next time you walk into a public place or event, I want you to run an experiment. Ask yourself: how hard would it be for strangers there to meet each other? Then try it yourself. Maybe you’ll feel hesitant, maybe a little awkward in how to start. But I hope you see what’s missing. I hope, like me, you can’t unsee it. 

When that happens, remember: this is not something that we need to leave up to individual social bravery. It’s a missing piece of essential social infrastructure that doesn’t exist, only because we haven’t built it yet.